My boyfriend's mood is ruining our relationship! Advice?

My boyfriend of almost 3 years has completely changed regarding his attitude. Every time I talk to him about it, he just gets extremely quiet and upset. If I try to push the fact that we need to fix things, he just yells at me that he doesn't want to talk about it because he hates himself and it makes him want to die.





I feel like he is manipulating me to never bring up problems. He won't seek help for hating himself. What should I do? I am on the verge of giving him an ultimatum: either get help or lose me; I don't know if this will make things worse though. I want to help him because I really love him, but he spurns all my efforts and makes me feel like there's no use trying anymore.My boyfriend's mood is ruining our relationship! Advice?
He obviously needs help and you are being the more mature person here wanting to try to talk to him about the problems. Don't EVER think they will just go away...they won't. It will only get worse over time. I myself would just distance myself from him until you see how you two REALLY feel about each other. Don't let someone elses problems bring you down and destroy your happiness. It is no other human beings right to take another humans joy from them and this is exactly what he is doing. He needs help in the form of a pastor, counselor, or someone he can confide in. Please take a long hard look at your relationship. There was nothing ';good'; that you mentioned above. Good luck sweetie. Cut the cord and live a little. After all, you haven't said ';in sickness and in health, til death do us part yet';. I hope you think long and hard about it before you do!





VERY GOOD ANALOGY CHARLES T...YOU HAVE MY VOTE FOR THE BEST ANSWER!!!!My boyfriend's mood is ruining our relationship! Advice?
He hates himself? And no idea why? Something has happened...something he feels very guilty about. It's depressing him severely and has changed his whole attitude.





Since he refuses to tell you what it is......if he won't go get professional help....you have 2 choices.





1) You leave him. Tell him kindly that you know something is terribly wrong and that since he refuses to get help for it, you have to leave the relationship--even though you love him. Your relationship IS broken.





2) You continue the way things are.





I don't suggest #2. That tells him that you are OK with his attitude.....and you aren't. He will just keep treating you like this if you don't stand up for yourself.
I know where you are coming from. I stayed in a relationship like yours and I am sorry but you need to tell him that he has to change and get help and if doesn't you need to leave him. He is obviously not well and no matter how much you love him he is not going to change. I know I was with my now exhusband for 20 years and it is not worth it to give so much of yourself to someone who is not willing to give the same back. This is a big world and you deserve to be happy and he is not going to do this for you. My advise to you is to make a plan to leave him when he is not there because he may get violent with you because he has just lost his control over you. This is the most dangerous time for a woman who is in an unhealthy relationship. Has he ever hit you? My daughter is in a very dangerous situation with a guy who is very controlling and has been abusive not only to her but to their child. I am very scared for her and have given her my support and given her the number to the women's shelter where she lives. I let her know I am here for her and that this relationship is not worth keeping.


Ask yourself these questions: Do I want to be in a relationship where I do not get the respect to be heard and understood? Do I want to stay in a relationship where my partner tries to munipulates me? Why does this question bother him when it shouldn't create this type of reaction? And most important question Am I happy in this relationship?


Cut your losses now so you are not like me where I woke up one morning and realized I have wasted over 20 years of my life with someone who did not respect me or gave me the love I gave him.


Please be careful and have a plan to leave.


I hope this helps you and I know what you are saying right now, but I love him so much and if I do this or I change the way I do that he will change. I have three years invested in this guy that I care about. Move on and you'll be happier for it, not at first but you'll see that this is the best thing to do for you. If you do not put yourself first noone else will.


Good luck
Please try to get him help, whether from his family, friends, other relatives. It's affecting you so much and you don't not want to be stuck like that.
do you have a mutual friend that he can talk to? many times a partner won't listen to their significant other and may need input from someone else.
Well if i was you i would sit him down and try and talk to him. If he starts the hating himself thing just tell him to knock it off and grow up. Tell him that if he doesn't change to the way he used to be you'll leave. And if he don't become nice again leave him. You would be better off without him.
He needs help STAT. Dont feel like its your burden to deal with this. If you are with him just for that reason its not the right reason.





Talk to someone else that may be able to reach him from a different angle than you.. maybe someone he looks up to..like a older brother, parent, cousin or his best friend.





if they cant help him then know one can. only a physician or psychologist.





Good Luck.
Trust your intuition about him, but turn it up five notches on yourself.





Imagine this is an experiment and your boyfriend is Rat A. The experimenter (that's you) watches every day while RAT A can't find the cheese. In frustration, the experimenter gives Rat A a push in the right direction. Rat A immediately rolls over on his side, screeches and bites itself on the leg. After a while, the experimenter only has to come into the room, and Rat A rolls and screeches. Then, only a picture of the Experimenter makes Rat A react negatively. Eventually, any object the size and shape of the picture gets the reaction from the rat.





Sometimes, helping can actually make things worse. Give him miles and miles of room to sort things out.





You never know what's bothering people.





* He could be constipated


* He could be too shy to pass gas around you


* You could remind him of his mother when you try to help


* He could be overwhelmed by your intelligence


* He may hate the word ';No';


* He could be overly tired, because you never leave so he can sleep


* His favorite show could be on, and you hate it


* He could like soap operas, but he's afraid you'll think he's gay if he talks about it


* Maybe he is jealous because you're prettier than he is


* Maybe he thinks he's being mysterious instead of stupid


* He could be playing at being totally stressed out so you'll give him.....................................鈥?lots of attention.





Anyway, give him room. Go home to your own house for a few days. Wait until he seeks you to talk about stuff.
try talking to him, if that doesn't work, then you should talk about this with a psycholigist