I really need some relationship advice?

I was going out with my boyfriend for 5 years, he stays over mine every night. Two years ago he told me he wanted to see other women at first I was hurt but after him still kissing and sleeping with me that was all forgotten.





For the last two years we have been like a normal couple, holding hand going round each others parents like a couple and he still tell me he's in love with me. We both took a year out of work to travel and reconsider out career options.





We dont have any friends and just spend our time together. I have been suffering from depression because of the way my life has changed. I cry cause I have lost my independance and feel scared to go back to work.





I just can't get motivated anymore and feel the only way I can is for him to help me but he promises to but he doesnt. I have put on weight and I'm so ugly. I feel like I want to die but want to live at the same time. When argue and my depression gets worse and it effect my heart.





I need some advice?I really need some relationship advice?
Please add me to your yahoo istantant messenger if you have one, because what i have to say is a back and forth conversation. Pray to God talk to him even if you never have before, there is no specific way to pray but with respect. Ask him to give you the streghth and feel confident agian. you must leave that man as soon as possible. You have most definlty lost yourself and having no friends and family to talk to makes it harder. try to find family who you can stay with for the time being to help get your life on track, cause its only get worst when you stay with you partner. This guy wants you to have no friends and famliy and would like for you to be separated from them, he can have more control over you cause your not having any sources to help you.I really need some relationship advice?
Go to counseling. It sounds yucky but it works miracles. Your boyfriend is there to support you during bad moments, not to fix your life. If you don't have the energy to fix your own life, what can he expect from you?





Growing up and evolving is a personal thing, it is up to you to help yourself, no one else can do it if you don't put some effort on your part.





Depression is an illness. Just because you can't see injuries or blood it doesn't mean it's not important. If you are ill, you see a doctor, right? I seriously suggest you find someone to treat your illness right away or you will loose more than your boyfriend.
just say no....
Most couples can't completely satisft the other emotionally, but he's not satisfying you at all. You really need to get rid of him, and get your life back together. Get yourself some counseling if you need it, get a job, pamper yourself, and find a guy who treats you like the princess that you are. It will take awhile, but nothing is going to get better if you stay with him.
See your doctor....you could be suffering from chronic depression and if you are you can't fix it by yourself.
I think you need to put your self as a motivation,don't wait around for him to help you. Start working out and see how bit by bit you will get you self esteem back.
Well, why do you want to be with someone that wants to see other women? If you're not happy, move on from him. Go to the gym, run, walk, dance...any kind of exercise, eat right %26amp; lose the weight you want. Then, get out there and find someone who is worthy of your time. Make new friends, or call up the ones you have lost touch with %26amp; get back to work.





Also, if your depression is severe go see a doctor or a psychiatrist.





Just step back and rethink your life %26amp; where it's really headed if you stay with him. If you see unhappiness, then you need to go your own way and find your happiness %26amp; gain your independence back. Good luck.
Being around eachother 24/7 isnt good. Not even for a married couple. A job is another way for you to at least socialize with other people, so you should def go back to work. Also, my ex boyfriend dumped me but sometime we still act as though we are together. You two need to sit down and discuss what your relationship really is and where it is going.
I think you need to try to get some help, there are people to talk to about this. try meeting with a career counselor to see what you should do. try to meet some new people who can be awesome friends. and about the weight thing, try to join a club like weight watchers or overeaters anonymus (oa.org). they can all help you with self-esteem to get over the hump of going on with life.
It sounds like you gave up who you are and have lost your identity to save what you thought was a relationship.


Wake up kick that idiot to the crub and be you again.
Sounds to me like you've been totally controlled and lost your autonomy. Find the strength to back out of that relationship and learn to be you again. Get your own life (easier said than done but who said it was going to be easy). It's not healthy not to have any friends or motivation to exist. Come on girl.....get moving.
I am not sure if I have all the answers but from learning the hard way I can say:





- He wants to have his cake and eat it


- Don't settle for second best


- Never allow your friends to slip away while you are in a relationship , they are the ones who will stand by you when things get tough


- You are you - don't let him make you miserable - get your confidence back





The best way to get a mans attention - give him a dose of his own medicine - next time he wants to come around - say you are going out and be a little mysterious - have a lovely bubble bath , dress up to the nines , make yourself gorgeous and go out for a good night of healthly flirting and fun - have an affair





Then when he is really keen - DUMP HIM





We are masters of our own destinies - take control - pull yourself out of depression - loose the looser and live a little. Life is too short to put it on hold for no good reasons!!





Good luck
You need to see someone and talk in person - counselling or a doctor will be a start.


Both you and your boyfriend are individual people - and that means you are responsible for you and he is responsible for himself - you just choose to come together to enjoy each others company, that's what being in a healthy relationship is all about.





If you start to think he is responsible for your happiness he might start to feel trapped and uncomfortable (i know i would) and withdraw - then you will have no-one - well except yourself and if your dont like yourself at the moment that could be a horrible place to be.





you need to start thinking about you..... get your life back....new friends and things to do.....I know it sounds easier than it is - and it isnt easy to start from scratch but i would suggest it.....look up old friends or find new ones....chat with people (even if its on-line) to rediscover who you really are...





Good Luck!!
first and foremost...if you can be happy by yourself first no on can make you happy...one more thing you have to learn is that you dont need people to make you happy you may want them to though...you cant grow with people if you dont know how to grow on your own...but why are you scared to go back to work...or to try and do things on your own...though you may feel like it will be the end of the world if you dont have him the truth of the matter is you dont need him...cause it says in the bible god wont put more on you than you can bare...if may get hard but just have faith and pray...
Well. You are in a pickle. I am not surprised you feel a little down about yourself. Afterall, no friends, a bf that sleeps around and no job....Fortunately that doesn't have to be the way it is. Spending loads of time in each other's company is a Big Mistake - only okay if you are married and even then only for a couple of years - you must get your own interests so that you are still interesting to someone else! First step...you need to sort out the depression and a trip to the GP to find out your options is your first priority! You may not need meds but you might find talking things through with someone will give you a boost. Next...cut down the amount of time you spend with bf...he is there to love you not be your crutch...you need to invest sometime in you and you alone. That means finding out about classes nearby and joining clubs and basically getting involved with society again on your own terms. Its not going to be easy as you are not at all motivated right now but that is a choice and you can equally turn it around - go look in the mirror and tell yourself tomorrow is the start of a whole new you! The job thing will come when your confidence returns and the weight will stabilise when you are too busy to snack and comfort eat - we have all been there! I don't like your bf one wee bit - he sticks to you or you separate and thats final...no sharing - thats just for Quality Streets!
my advice is you need to focuse on your life and getting your life inorder. starte making small plans that you and only you can achive on your own, it does mot have to be anything big or very important to anyone but you. the main thing is for you to find some sort of independence. small goals is the very best place to start
Lisa the very best thing I can offer you girl is that your not ugly I don't care what you say %26amp; that Jesus Loves you he's the answer to you problem. If you need to talk you can email me.
Not To Be Mean I Am Just Going TO Be Straight Out With You








This Is The Sole Reason As To WHy You Do Not Become Dependent On A Man And You DOn't Let A Man ecome Dependent On You.. Becasue Of The Relationship You Guys Have He Feels He Can Do What He Wants And Still Have You Even Though He Wants To See Other Woman...





Its Cool To Spend Time WIth Your Man But THink About THis Are You Spending Time Together Because You Enjoy Eachother's Company Or Because You Feel Like You Always Have To Be Together??





There Are Times When You Can Go Places With Out Him An dStill BE Together Without Worry About What He Is Doing Or Him Worrying About You..





You Have To Let Go And Let God





If It Is Meant For You Two To Be Together It Will Be But Dont Let Him Steal Your Identity In The Process Let Him Know You Need Your Space .. If He Cant Respect That Then You Don't Need Him In The First Place... I Used To Be You In 2002 I Dated The Worse of Them All A Puerto Rican Cat Who Was Mind Controlling And Older Than Me





I Couldnt Do Anything Without Him And If I Did He Would Curse Me Out.. He Made Me Feel Like I Was Ugly And I Lost A Lot Of Friends Because Of Him....But I Only Had Myself To Blame Because Had I Had A Stronger Mind Set I Would Not Have Let That Happen





You Sound Goal Oriented Proceed With You Dreams Minus The Heartache





Every Woman Is Beautiful In There Own Way





Love Life And Live....





God Bless





IF You Have Questions Feel Free To Email Me mzbuggz84@yahoo.com
get a new guy! you need person that gives you freedom!
get out of that relationship first off, its not healthy nor is it fair to you. also seek therapy or a support group to discuss your selfesteem and independence issues. Also get out and be active and stop making yourself into the victim, you are getting exactly what you make of things, only you can change your life, not him. this is more of an issue of ';poor me i cant do anything my self';. get over it, go out and get a job and move on with your life. you identified all the problem, so stop settling and get going.
First of all, I think anyone who says they love you but still wants to see other people doesn't really love you. I think your depression and loss of independence stem from the fact that you have let your boyfriend walk over you, and thinking that it is ok. It isn't. I'm speaking from experience and when you let someone walk all over you like that, it doesn't just make you depressed and feel as if you have no independence. It eats away at your self respect and makes you think that no-one cares about you. The truth is that your boyfriend wants to have his bread buttered on both sides and this is wrong.





In order for you to get back to the point where you fell comfortable to find work again, you need to sit yourself down and go through the motions, i.e. you need to ask yourself why you feel the way you do, what made you agree with his preposterous notion of seeing other women whilst seeing you, why you let yourself put on weight (not that this is an issue worth getting depressed about), and most of all What is actually causing your depression. When you ask yourself these questions and more, you need to remember to answer yourself TRUTHFULLY. The only person listening to your questions is yourself and God, no-one else.





Once you have answered your questions Truthfully, you need to make your mind up about what you want to do to get yourself back up to the point of self respect, confidence and comfortabitlity with yourself. When you've decided on the action to take follow through with what you have decided.


I'm not going to sugar coat things for you, it is going to be a long, painfull and possibly heartwrenching process but once it is all done, you will feel so much better and no-one (other than maybe yourself) will be able to break your self confidence.





If you are religious, pray about it but don't expect an answer immediately and if you do pray, remember to listen for a small voice (or thought) in your head regarding the problem, it could just be the answer you need.


If you aren't religious, then just believe that you can get through this obstacle in your life.





Lastly remember this, they may break your respect or confidence, but they can never take away the true you, you just need to find that in yourself again.
He is controlling you, whether it seems like it or not. I have been in this kind of relationship, where somehow you seem to get cut off from the rest of the world. It gets VERY depressing. The only thing to do is cut him out of your life...completely. Find yourself, go to church, read self-help books, whatever you need to do to get your life going your way. Once you are able to make it on your own and regain yourself (and your self worth %26amp; confidence), then you can start thinking about what kind of person you need to enrich your life. Notice I say ';enrich'; your life, not take over your life. You need a mate who will compliment who you really are, and in order to do that, you need to know who that is. Once you start standing on your own two feet, I'm sure you will start feeling better about yourself and start coming out of this depression. No meds necessary.
Lisa, please get some help elsewhere, if he keeps promising then letting you down it's only making your problems worse.


Even if you don't want to talk to your doctor (who will be really supportive - mine put me in touch with a fantastic counsellor) there are other places/people you can talk to - me if you want. I've been there %26amp; there's nothing worse than how you are feeling at the mo, you can only get better.


all the best, please get in touch.


shell x
it sounds like you have too much faith in this one particular person and your life revolves around him the first thing you need to do although its sounds silly is get doing something a course or a hobbies even something like getting on line and making more friends on face book my space or bebo and if your depression is severe enough for you to feel like you want to die then get to the docs and ask to see a counsellor this way you can get your act together and you can have a outsider point of view about your life it will also make you realise how lucky you are you maybe unhappy now but take a look at what you have instead of what you haven't
can you go to anyone in your family that you can talk to or spend time with? what happened to your old friends? you may have put on weight but so what, don't let this make you feel ugly. sometimes when we go through these problems and look back, we often wonder how we made it through. there is always someone that will love you and hold you up through all of your trials and tribulations until you are strong enough to do it. let go and let God.
Your not happy in this relationship. You don't feel secure in it either. We were made to be in a marriage relationship and kids and the security of knowing this person wants to be with us the rest of our life. Just having sex together isn't enough.


You feel used and then depressed then you over eat to stuff down the depression.


Him helping you is not an option! that is like saying you want someone to diet for you so you can lose weight.


You need a total life change. Get into a job you can throw yourself into and dump him. He is not making you happy.


Anyone in a relationship and feels ugly and wants to die and gets depressed. That relationship is clearly not working.


You want him to make you happy? No one can make you happy but you. True happiness will never come in that kind of a relationship it is to risky and seems to temporary.


There is no security, no commitement, no marriage.
you don't need advice, you need to get out of that relationship. It's that that is depressing you and making you feel that way. Women these days don't need men and can do better without them most of the time. You are in a relationship with no doubt a person that wants to bring you down and make you feel like you can't do anything on your own. I felt that way for years only I was married to him. I had the same feelings as you wanting to die, thinking I couldn't think on my own, I needed him to think for me. Turned out I didn't. I was the smart one and he was the one pulling me down. That is what I consider a dangerous man. I think from reading your post you know what you need to do you just are scared to do it. And as far as friends, we didn't have any either. Turned out they didn't like him so they avoided me.